If the idea of speaking at a wedding makes you feel physically sick, you are not alone. These practical wedding speech tips are here to help you calm your nerves and speak with confidence on the big day.

A fear of public speaking (glossophobia) is one of the top 3 phobias in the UK, 77% of adults experience speech anxiety, 31% actively hate public speaking, and 59% would avoid it if there were no repercussions.

Well, you obviously don’t want to avoid your own wedding (if you do, it’s probably about more than the speeches) or spend the day worried sick about your speech.

I have been public speaking for almost 20 years, and in that time, I have had countless otherwise confident people lean in and whisper, “I’m absolutely dreading my speech”.

But here’s the truth: as Mark Twain said, “There are two types of speakers: those that are nervous and those that are liars”.

It is natural, and ok to be nervous, and whilst I probably can’t help you fall in love with public speaking, I can help you speak in front of those you love without it blighting your wedding day.

My Top 10 Wedding Speech Tips

1. Don’t let Perfect be the Enemy of Good

Repeat after me. “My speech does not need to be perfect.”

Many people have had a negative experience with public speaking, perhaps at college or university. Maybe a presentation at work didn’t go as well as you’d hoped. It is probably because you were trying way too hard.

Never compare yourself to other speakers. There will always be people who are better public speakers than you, and most of them have a lot of help. Remember, celebrities and politicians have access to speech writers and speaking coaches; you’re not auditioning for The Comedy Store or Match of the Day, you’re standing in a room of people who love you.

They know you are nervous and are willing you to do well. Try not to obsess over what they are thinking; focus on the one message you want people to take away from your speech.

2. You do You

Write your speech as you talk. Don’t try to be someone else; you just need to be yourself. That is who people want to see. To come across as authentic and genuine, it needs to be your voice.

If you think about the best speeches you have seen, they are natural and warm, often far from polished.

One of the best speeches I ever delivered was in 2018 at the Microsoft Inspire Conference in Las Vegas, to an audience of over 1,000. It meant a lot to me to be there speaking on the same stage as Satya Nadella (Microsoft’s CEO), meaning I was very nervous.

I walked confidently onto the stage and said in my strong Manchester accent, “Hello Vegas… I never thought I’d be saying that… It is my first time in Las Vegas and my first time at Inspire. I am riding high on a heady mix of Jet Lag and Imposter Syndrome, but I know it’s going to be ok, as I have on a dress with pockets, and if you are a woman, you know that if you are wearing a dress with pockets, everything is going to be alright.”

The audience erupted with laughter, applause, and cheers, and for years afterwards, people would compliment me on that speech. It was a speech about technology, and my opening didn’t relate to technology one little bit, but it put both me and the audience at ease. They warmed to me and gave me the confidence I needed.

3. Keep It Short

The most memorable speeches are rarely the funniest, and they definitely aren’t the longest. They’re short, sincere and get a clear message across.

Three to six minutes is what you should be aiming for. Any longer than this and people switch off. You need to factor in time for laughter and applause, so it always takes longer than you expect.

4. Structure means Success

What are you trying to say? Whenever he sat down to write a speech, President Obama would ask: “What’s the story I’m trying to tell?”

Start by writing a few bullet points and build your speech around them, with a clear structure that includes an introduction and a conclusion.

Never think “I can wing it on the day”. Very few people can deliver an ad hoc, meaningful speech; we have all seen people ramble. That is because they didn’t stick to a structure.

5. Fail to Plan, Plan to Fail

You don’t need to learn your words off by heart; it is fine to read. However, people who are confident public speakers will have practised.

It really will help you feel calmer on the day, but it does mean practising out loud, not just reading it in your head. Saying your speech properly helps you spot the bits that don’t quite flow and get comfortable with the rhythm. Time yourself. Record yourself. Listen back.

While I know many people read from their phones, I still think a printed or handwritten copy is better (perhaps I’m old-fashioned!). Lights reflecting on a phone screen can make it hard to read, and a phone’s small size makes it tricky to look up at the guests without losing your place.

6. The Lloyd Effect

Acknowledge that you are nervous; it is fine to say so. A wobbly voice or shaky hands are completely normal. If you lose your place, pause. Smile. Take a deep breath and carry on. Guests do not notice what feels obvious to you.

When I used to speak at the annual company conference in front of up to 600 colleagues, I would spot one friend (Lloyd) in the audience and focus on him. I would see Lloyd smiling back, nodding, and laughing in all the right places, and it would feel more like a one-to-one conversation, lessening my concerns about the other 599 people.

7. Familiarise Yourself

Not always possible, but viewing the room beforehand helps massively on the day (even seeing a photo). Seeing the room empty helps you visualise it filled with people; it puts it back in your control, reducing the fear of the unknown.

Speak with the staff, review seating layouts, and plan how to make eye contact across the room. If you plan to use a handheld microphone, always test it beforehand (a lapel mic is the best option I find).

You are unlikely to use one regularly, so you need to know how close to hold it to your mouth and how loud you need to speak. Decide whether to sit or stand. Do what feels right to you.

The most memorable and tender Best Man’s speech I ever saw came from someone who sat down because he was so terrified; sitting gave him the confidence to deliver a steady and absolutely beautiful speech. If you prefer to stand, stand, and if, like me, you prefer to walk around a little rather than standing completely still, that’s fine too.

8. Breathe

It may sound random, but identifying where the emergency exits are in a room subconsciously signals to your brain that you are safe, which can help you avoid going into fight-or-flight mode.

Maintaining a regular breathing pattern during a speech helps you avoid talking too fast, stumbling on words and losing your place.

Nipping to the toilet before you are about to speak and trying one of these techniques can help:

• Box Breathing: Inhale for a count of four, hold for four, exhale for four, and hold for four again. Repeat this a couple of times.
• 4-7-8 Technique: Exhale completely, making a “whoosh” sound, then inhale quietly through the nose for 4 counts, hold your breath for 7 counts, and exhale completely through the mouth for 8 counts, making another “whoosh” sound.
• Pursed Lip Breathing: Inhale through your nose for two seconds, then pucker your lips (as if to whistle) and exhale slowly for four seconds. This helps keep airways open longer and slows your breathing.

9. Water

I always keep water nearby; adrenaline and nervousness can cause a dry mouth, making it hard to speak clearly.

Also, I find that the physical act of stopping to take a sip and swallow water can serve as a calming ritual, slowing me down and helping me feel less anxious.

Whilst we are on the subject of drinking… if you drink alcohol, it is likely to be free flowing at a wedding, whilst one or two drinks can provide “Dutch Courage”, any more than that can lead to incoherent rambling and repeating yourself – steer clear of over-indulging until after you have spoken. Also, no drink ever tastes as good as the one straight after a speech!

10. Visualise

Sounds a bit woo-woo, but in the days before an event, I always visualise myself in the clothes I will be wearing, delivering a confident, well-paced speech.

I visualise people clapping, smiling, and coming up to me afterwards to say nice things about my speech. The brain often cannot distinguish between a vividly imagined experience and a real one, which gives me confidence and prepares me for the real speech.

Likewise, I used to write a list of potential issues that could arise during my speech and solutions for each, so I know nothing is an insurmountable hurdle.

Final Thoughts on These Wedding Speech Tips

I hope those tips are helpful. Let’s be honest: you may not ever love public speaking, you probably won’t be rushing to sign up for a TED Talk after your honeymoon, but I can guarantee that you will feel proud you shared how you feel with your favourite people on your special day, and most importantly, those people who heard you speak will be very glad that you did.